I have a story to tell.
Three weeks ago, I met a boy, he was tall, charming and know all the right things to say and do, I was infatuated and happy with his company as we hit it off with insanely supportive chemistry. Comfort and familiarity are the words best to describe the feeling.
After 2 dates, he went off to Melbourne on a 2-week holiday where we continuously text each other every day without fail with the usual “good morning”, “how’s your day”, “good night” and “text me when you’re home”. I was enjoying every part of it too much that I’ve neglected a few signs of him withdrawing his affection and was stubbornly anticipating for his return.
So comes our third date, we had a great time as usual with hilarious stories and delicious eats with a couple of drinks… and that is when he landed a bomb at me. He told me that he is not ready for a relationship, unable to let go of his single-status and that he wants to be friends instead. He justified that he wanted to let me know about how he felt face-to-face and apologised for leading me on. At that moment, I didn’t know how to react, so I played it cool. However, I was definitely not happy about it.
To be honest, this is my first time being put into the ‘friendzone’ and I didn’t know how to handle it. So, first, I act based on curiosity and honestly… telling him off on how he led me on wasn’t right and asking him a bunch of questions that made me sound embarrasingly desperate such as “is there someone else?”, “are you telling me the truth?”. After he answered me, I was still not satisfied, but agreed to be his friend anyway.
We then went on a fourth outing (not a date anymore), we had delectable steaks and great conversations but I turned to him and told him that I can’t be his friend as I don’t see him that way. My intention was to cut him off to protect myself and feed my ego. His expression was shocked but in split seconds turned cold, that is when I realised, he doesn’t care. Plus, my actions were definitely out of spite and petty, which made me feel very uneasy for a couple of days. I realised being petty is not my colour scheme and I’m better and more mature than this.
So, I decided to text him and ask him out for dinner…
I told him that I want to take back what I’ve said and sincerely agreed to be his friend because I’ve discovered the best relationship theory ever —
A relationship only has two scenarios :
- He’s into you ; 2. He’s just not that into you
And I just so happen to fall into the second scenario where he’s not into me. Think about it, if a guy is really interested, he would put in effort and reasons like “not ready” wouldn’t even be in his dictionary and I realised that I deserve at least that much. I deserve someone that is really into me, that wouldn't second guess his choice, that would be consistent and at the same time levelling up in life with me. So, since he’s not really into me, I’ve accepted the fact and wouldn’t want to force it nor waste any of my time pursuing something one-sided, I’m worth more than that.
Hence, fully accepting his friendship is much more barable. You may think, why not just cut him off? Well, aside from the undeniable chemistry we had, I see him as a male version of myself and I feel that he can potentially be a good friend, but not a lover. I don’t think I’d see him that way anymore.
I guess in the end of the day it’s all about self-growth. On how you see yourself, on how you decide what you want in life, and of course on how you choose to move on. Now, I’m definitely clearer on what kind of relationship I want to be involved in and what kind of person I need in my life.
I’ve levelled up but there are definitely more to come; I just need to be stronger to manage these set-backs in life.
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